I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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