May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who died my cat blue again?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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