Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
