I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
