I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
