Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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