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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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