As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
