There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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