Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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