carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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