this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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