So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
