she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
