Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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