youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
