Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
