You just made me feel so damn special
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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