then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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