forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
