Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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