I hate all girls vehemently.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
