I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
