I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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