i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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