he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
