just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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