i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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