Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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