we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my being single is dangerous.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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