i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
