dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
