Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
