she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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