hotel room ftw
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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