Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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