Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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