just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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