I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
