she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's official drugs can't kill me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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