sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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