I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
