Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
