ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
