I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
