so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
