Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize