i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
