you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
