break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
