do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
