if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
