I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
