My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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