You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
