I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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