ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
