hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
