I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
