her vagine was all disorganized.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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