Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
