you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the day after is always just damage control
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
