i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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