just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
