I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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