what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
