quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
