Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
