WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize