So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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