Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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