and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
