Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
