Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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